by Naomi | Jan 23, 2017 | Creative Life
Why is finding a rhythm in life so challenging? At the beginning of the year, many of us re-shuffle our plans to create more clarity and ease in our lives, but within weeks (if not days) we find ourselves out of step again.
Why do we lose our life’s rhythm?
For many reasons. Exciting ones such as:
- We encounter exciting new opportunities.
- Success changes our circumstances and routines.
- Life’s surprises show up.
And frustrating ones such as:
- We run into unexpected challenges.
- Our plans don’t match up with others’ plans.
- We want to make everyone happy.
- We started out with impossible expectations for ourselves.
- In the moment, we make decisions that clash with our big-picture hopes and dreams.
We resist establishing a rhythm to our routine because we know one or all of these (good and bad) things will happen. The dissonance between the routine we desire and the life we’re living is unsettling. We’re living an out-of-sync song.
Is finding a rhythm in life possible?
Rhythm is never static. In music, we establish a downbeat and play from there. Even though we may speed up or slow down, subdivide or syncopate, the downbeat provides the foundation for the song. In this way, life’s rhythm is also fluid, but essential. Without a strong downbeat, we can’t help but get lost. We all experience surprises, challenges and detours, but if we’ve established a norm, we can measure our distance from that norm. We can find our way back.
What does rhythm in life look like?
I don’t know about you, but when I decide I need to do more of something–say working out–any time I’m not doing that thing, I feel guilty. The trouble is, at any given time I have five to ten items on my “I need to do more of that” list. For a long time, I allowed myself to feel guilty much of the time. It wasn’t an overwhelming, devour-my-world guilt. It was a low-level guilt, like a headache you don’t notice until it goes away. Even though it wasn’t overwhelming, my guilt distracted me. I’d be in the middle of writing a new chapter in my novel and think, “Oooh, I should go for a run.”
To me, rhythm in life looks like a clear agreement with myself. This agreement helps me dismiss distracting thoughts. I know how often I’ll go for a run, and generally, when my exercise sessions fit into my week. By creating a structure, I know when I’m deviating from my plan. I can still say yes to surprises, because I know what I’ll need to reschedule in order to make my “yes” possible. Also, the structure provides me with a clear understanding of when I actually AM breaking my commitments to myself. Establishing a rhythm takes up-front effort, but it has made all the difference in my overall focus and momentum.
The benefits of finding a rhythm in life
Life ebbs and flows. When we try to close our eyes and block out everything but our plans, we miss many joyful surprises. And yet, if we fly by the seat of our pants for too long, our big dreams can hover just out of reach. Finding a rhythm in life makes room for what’s actually true. No two days are alike. No plan is followed exactly to the letter. When we dance within that reality, we find momentum AND freedom.
Convinced? Want to try it out for yourself? In case you need a jump-start, I’ve created a Step-by-Step Guide to walk you through the process I used when establishing my own rhythm.
by Naomi | Oct 24, 2016 | Creative Life
My wish? To be mentored by Madeleine L’Engle.
In my twenties, I wrote a letter to Madeleine L’Engle.
I knew the chances of hearing back from her were very low. She was busy and surely couldn’t respond personally to every reader. Knowing these truths didn’t stop me from harboring a fantasy that somehow, in some way, my letter would spark a connection between the two of us. In the end, I did hear back from Madeleine. Her assistant wrote me a sweet note to say that Madeleine had been touched by my letter and wished me all the best with my writing.
I realized that I had received more than most people do. And still, I couldn’t help feeling slightly tragic about the situation. Tragic enough, actually, that I spent time unpacking the issue. What did I want? Why did I want it? Was there a way I could achieve that goal even if I couldn’t spend time with Madeleine herself?
A quick side note: I’ve written before about the superpowers that belong to writers. The scenario I just described is a prime example. Writers know in their bones that what a character wants isn’t always what she ends up achieving. Since this truth applies to characters, it’s not hard to see how it applies to our real lives, too.
In any case, as I unpacked my wish, here’s what I discovered.
1. Mentorship is the art of asking resonant questions.
While mentors often have life experiences we seek, mentorship isn’t about being given a step-by-step guide. Someone else’s story is unique and particular to their own life circumstances. However, their stories offer connection points that lead us to questions of our own. The best mentors open discussions and then listen as we explore the resulting questions and possible answers. Through asking questions and seeking answers, we unlock the answers and that next-step clarity that we seek.
2. Often, we’re already being mentored without realizing it.
Why did I want Madeleine L’Engle to mentor me? Because she already had. Through her nonfiction and fiction, she had already led me to deep questions that sparked significant growth. She had unlocked next steps for me. What I wanted was more of that experience. It’s not only writers who can be mentors. Visual artists mentor us through their artworks and their artist statements and stories. Musicians mentor us through their music, their liner notes, and their interviews on the process. The same is true for dancers, teachers, chefs, gardeners … any creative person whose work results in something we can observe, examine and explore.
3. In order to make use of the mentorship at our fingertips, we need to think in specifics.
As an enthusiastic reader of Madeleine L’Engle, I gained a certain level of mentorship. To dive deep, I thought I needed to meet her in person. Had she been sitting with me in person, however, I’m sure she would have turned the focus back to me. She would have asked me questions, pushed me to reflect, and invited me to make discoveries. I wondered: what if I read her work with my specific questions in mind? Might I stumble across clues that would lead me to deeper discoveries––in writing craft, in mindset, in creativity? It turned out that by bringing specific intention to the reading process, I entered into an entirely new level of mentorship with Madeleine L’Engle. The amazing thing was that not only could I have her as my mentor, but any other author who I also admired. I had a new skill set that allowed me to learn from the masters.
As another side note, it’s important to point out that I continue to work monthly with an actual living, breathing mentor. An outside perspective provides insight into our blind spots, encouragement and accountability. Finding ways to mentor with the masters doesn’t replace our need for authentic connection with advisors. However, once you learn the skills needed to mentor with the masters, libraries, museums and even Netflix turn into treasure troves of learning opportunities.
What skills are needed?
- Observe a poem, painting or film to identify what is working.
- Analyze specifically why and how that element of craft works.
- Experiment with similar strategies in your own work.
- Riff on the strategies until you make them your own.
And don’t forget that you can replace “poem, painting or film” in the above list with “creative life” or any other focus that appeals to you with regard to one of your heroes.
Here are your action steps:
- Choose a hero-mentor and decide what you’d like to learn.
- Reach out to someone you know and respect. Ask them if they’d meet with you regularly as you pursue your learning goals.
- Give them permission to challenge you, and commit to listening fully without defending yourself. Remember, growth takes courage and determination.
- Get started!
by Naomi | Oct 17, 2016 | Creative Life
Do you have enormous goals on your mental or physical to-do list such as:
- Learn how to podcast
- Write a novel
- Run a half-marathon
- Learn to play the guitar
Projects such as these beg the question: Where should I start?
When learning to draw, the first task is to stop one’s mind from translating the concept “apple” into a symbol. We must see the real apple with all its curves and irregularities in order to accurately draw it.
In my experience, the same is true with goals. Our brains, amazing tools that they are, simplify complex projects into impossible-to-tackle placeholders. While we can pick up a guitar and start plucking strings, for most of us, the time spent isn’t likely to result in learning to play guitar.
Why?
- We haven’t clarified what we mean by “learn to play the guitar.”
- We don’t know where to start.
- We quickly lose heart when we can’t track or measure our progress.
Let’s turn these challenges into proactive steps, and see where they lead.
Clarify the Goal
In the Attic, we explore the heart of a project. In the Studio, we improvise to bring new possibilities into the world. However, the Workshop provides us with tools to give our loose idea-material structure. In the Workshop, one asks: What do I know? What do I need to know? What are the pieces of this project or this skill? Where might I start?
One major task of the Workshop is to determine the scope of our project. It’s one thing to learn to front a rock band, and an entirely other one to learn to strum campfire songs. When we clarify our project, we determine our focus. With focus, we can clearly see which actions will be most effective to help us reach our goal.
One of the best strategies for clarifying your project is to take a quiet moment, close your eyes, and picture success in detail.
- What will the scene look like on the day you achieve this goal?
- What will you see, hear, feel?
- What will you be physically doing?
Once you have a clear picture, capture the highlights on paper. This scene becomes your destination point, and helps you determine which actions are relevant, and which are not.
Determine Where to Start
While we want our destination to be a firm location, with creative projects especially, the path to the goal can vary widely. Consider an open space with many trails that end at a lake. There may be four or five possible starting points, and various trails with scenic points along the way.
In the end, our experience of “hiking to the lake” is singular. No matter how much we plan a hike or a creative project, something is bound to surprise us along the way. Ideally, we want to create a plan with enough structure to keep us moving toward our ultimate goal, while leaving room for surprise.
Ask Yourself:
- Where are my current circumstances with regard to this project?
- What do I hope to learn along the way?
- How much time and stamina do I have?
Track and Measure Progress Toward Your Goal
Each year when Society of Young Inklings begins the Inklings Book editorial process, we ask our mentors to choose a specific revision focus. For instance, the mentor and youth writer may focus on developing character through dialogue.
By focusing on dialogue, the youth writer sees improvement that can be specifically described. “My dialogue used to be x, and now it is y.” This clear growth builds confidence. While revising with a specific focus, writers often identify other weaknesses and fix them without becoming sidetracked. Contrast this approach with a general “I’ll fix everything that’s wrong” approach. You can see how rabbit trails and discouragement easily set in.
In order to track and measure your progress, be specific about what you’re tracking. Ask yourself:
- What external milestones are essential along the way?
Here, consider the achievements between start and finish, such as character profiles, a plot, a first draft, a critique session, a revision, etc.
- What internal milestones are essential along the way?
Here, refer to the question: What do I want to learn along the way? Break that goal into measurable steps. If you want to learn about developing believable characters, what is involved?
First Steps
If you do have a giant project on your to-do list, depending on your style, your first step may be to head into the Attic to figure out why this project is so important to you. Alternatively, your first step may be to hit the Studio to play around and find your general direction.
Somewhere, though, early on in the process, the Workshop becomes a necessary step. For most of us, the purpose of major projects such as writing a novel or running a half-marathon is to challenge ourselves to grow. Growth will happen naturally whether we make a plan or not, but we’re more likely to see the results we hope for if we understand what those results will look like—both externally and internally.
I look forward to hearing about your projects and successes! Make sure to share so we can cheer you on.
by Naomi | Oct 3, 2016 | Creative Life
I used to think that in order to do improv you had to be funny.
By funny, I meant witty. I meant the kind of person who tosses off one-liners on Twitter that make people fall off their chairs laughing.
Then, I studied improv. I was shocked to learn that the wittiest actors had a more difficult time learning to improvise than most. Why? Because the foundational skill of improv is listening. Once they’ve truly listened, improvisers are taught to say, “Yes, and …”
Time after time, I watched the funniest actors either say, “No, but listen to my hilarious idea,” or struggle to speak at all, too caught up with their own plans to be present in the scene. When we say “yes, and ….” we have immediate momentum. Many of us have heard this phrase so often that it’s easy to miss its subtle power. But for a moment, stop to consider a challenging situation in your life.
What if rather than struggling along, you could have immediate momentum?
Let’s put “yes, and …” into context.
Say you’ve been wanting to organize your garage for quite some time. In fact, it’s become such a jungle you think small creatures may be hiding out there. What would happen if the next time you think (or your spouse says) “You know, we really should clean the garage,” you said, “You’re right. I’ll take a few minutes right now to straighten the shoes.” Once you’re out there, straightening the shoes, how likely is it that you’ll think of three or four other small tasks that you can do without too much effort? Each task moves you closer to your goal: a clean garage. Presto! Instant momentum. That’s what you normally say and do, right? Of course not. What you do is think something along the lines of “I know, but it’s such a mess and I have no idea where to start, and what difference will it make anyway? It will just get messy all over again.”
“Yes, but …” or worse, “No” stop us in our tracks. Every time we say these things, we might as well be pulling out a shovel and digging ourselves deeper into a trench. We are literally becoming entrenched.
“Yes, and …” is deceptively simple. But, mastering this phrase can transform your life.
Say Yes
The next time you’re with your daughter or niece and she tells you, “There’s a dragon in the living room,” try saying, “Seriously? Let’s go sneak up on it!”
The next time someone invites you to try something new and you’re not sure if you’ll fall flat on your face, try saying, “I’d love to try. Can you show me how?”
Should We Always Say Yes?
Sometimes we need to establish boundaries. We can’t say yes to every coffee invitation, every work project, or every cupcake offered. On stage, sometimes actors throw out a wild, impossible suggestion. “Let’s use our wings and fly!” In these cases, both actors have to think, “How might I say yes? How might I move the scene forward?”
What we’re aiming to avoid is the knee-jerk no. It’s the no that leaps from our lips the minute we face the unknown or unexpected. The knee-jerk no is powerful, and much more present in our lives than we realize. What would happen if for one day, you banned the word no? What if every time you were about to say, “no,” you asked yourself, “How might I say yes?” If nothing else, you might have to say, “Maybe. I’ll get back to you tomorrow.” But for one day, what if your knee-jerk answer was yes?
Add And
Surprisingly, as hard as “yes” can be, the part that’s even more difficult for many actors is “and.” One actor says, “Watch out! It’s an alligator.” The second actor jumps back, turns to the first actor and asks, “What do we do?” Now the first actor has all the responsibility to continue building the scene, while the other actor passively comes along for the ride. What if the second actor said, “I have a lasso!” Suddenly, the scene has become a lot more interesting, and it’s probably headed in a direction the first actor didn’t expect. Most of the time, diversity of thought makes for more layered and unexpected ideas.
This kind of situation happens in real life, too. A coworker or boss tells us, “We don’t have enough people attending our event to break even with our budget,” and we reply, “What can I do to help?” What if, instead, we said, “Do you have a minute to brainstorm? One idea might be …” “Yes, and…” is the equivalent of reaching out to offer a hand when someone is struggling to carry an awkward box. The point is not to make every problem our problem, or to tell other people “You know what you should do …” but rather to notice opportunities to not only offer support, but to collaboratively transform the moment into a possibility neither person expected.
My question to you is—What would happen if for one day, you intentionally said “Yes, and …” to the world around you?
Have fun experimenting, and let me know how it goes!
by Naomi | Sep 26, 2016 | Creative Life
Last week, I challenged my team of Inklings mentors to each invent his or her ideal creating space. I gave the group five minutes, and asked them to use one side of their paper to document their problem solving, and the other side to capture their actual idea.
If you have five minutes to spare, try this challenge yourself. If you don’t have time, think of a recent problem you solved. Try to remember beyond the solution to the actual thinking process involved.
Let’s Examine your Process
- How much time did you spend clarifying the challenge? Did you explore what “ideal space” meant before generating ideas?
- How much time did you spend brainstorming or exploring options? Did you stretch for unusual ideas?
- How much time did you spend reviewing your ideas and developing the ones that fit best?
- As part of formalizing your idea, did you create any sort of an action plan?
Give yourself a 1-5 score in these four stages of the problem solving process. Choose one if you hardly considered (or struggled with) the stage, and five if you handled the stage smoothly.
Stages of the Creative Process
- The first stage is Clarification. Here, we ask questions and explore current reality. We narrow our focus to make sure the idea-generation points in the right direction.
- The second stage is Ideation. Here, we generate ideas. The ability to brainstorm an abundance of ideas leads to novel solutions.
- The third stage is Development. Here, we identify promising ideas and refine them into truly workable solutions.
- The fourth stage is Implementation. Here, we create an action plan and get to work. Sometimes during Implementation, we discover another problem, which sends us back to the clarification stage.
Play to your Strengths
If you’ve been poking around this site, you may have seen and/or taken the Creativity Styles quiz. You likely know I’m passionate about helping people play to their strengths. So, you might be surprised when I say this: I believe that effective creative people develop skills in each of these stages, particularly in the ones that are most difficult for them.
It’s true that you’ll have more aptitude for certain stages depending on your creative style, but that doesn’t mean you get a pass on the others. Mastery comes from figuring out how to play to your strengths AND succeed in all four of these stages.
Do Your Blind Spots Help or Hinder You?
Where are your strengths? Do you have any blind spots? Write down what you notice. All of this thinking leads to this question: How might you boost your weaker problem solving skills in a way that appeals to your creative style?
You may be wondering: How does the creative problem solving process fit into the Writerly Play rooms? Great question! Each time you enter a room, you’ll likely circle through these stages at least once before you’re ready to move on to another room. Where you may bounce from room to room, the creative problem solving stages are generally tackled in order.
I’d love to hear your thoughts. When our Inklings mentors unpacked this experience, it was fascinating to witness firsthand how different we all are in our thinking processes. I gained particularly helpful insights from the mentors whose thinking was most opposite to my own. So, share away!
