For a while now, my husband and I have responded, “You do know,” whenever one of us sighs with confusion and says, “I don’t know.” It’s a pact we made after catching ourselves using this excuse far too often.
I’ve become better about this habit, but I still have a long way to go.
Recently, I discovered Brooke Castillo’s Life Coach School podcast. (Thank you, Amy Porterfield!) Brooke serves up tough love and pierce-through-the-heart insights on her weekly show. I’m delighted for a thousand reasons that I found her. Right now, I’m mulling over her thoughts on confusion.
Brooke points out that confusion is a luxury. At first, that idea sounds ridiculous. No one wants to be confused. When I think about it though, I find myself nodding. Yep. She’s right. I say “I don’t know,” or some form of “I’m thinking about it,” instead of making tough decisions. I don’t want to make the wrong choice. I don’t want to feel the pain of being wrong.
So, I opt for the pain of snail’s-pace progress. I have so many excuses. The world (and technology) is changing so fast. I’m a writer, not a marketer. I’m a mentor, not a fundraiser. I’m too busy earning a living to make time for my creative work. I don’t know where to focus. I don’t know how to… (fill in the blank). I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know.
I’ve been looking for a mentor for a while now. I still think mentorship will help me grow. However, I see that my reason for wanting a mentor MUST shift. I can’t wait for a mentor to wave a magic wand and blow the fog away. Why? Because the problem isn’t the fog. The fog isn’t going away. Creative work requires us to walk directly into uncharted territory.
The problem is my fear, and specifically, my fear over being wrong. What if I send you an email and it bugs you? What if I spend months on a book that no one wants to read? What if I write a scene or a character and my blind spots become apparent? What if I hurt you? What if that hurt causes you to lash out and shame me for what I never intended to say or do?
The truth is, I could spend five years being “confused.” Finally, I’d make my decision, put something out into the world, and still face any of those horrible possibilities. I’m an artist. I’m here to spread love by creating the work of my heart. Creativity sparks creativity. That means when I do my thing, I help you do yours. That’s who I want to be in the world.
But, being honest here … I’m afraid. I’ve been trying to have the best of both worlds–safety AND creativity. It hasn’t been working.
Brooke talks about how facing our fears can make us feel like we’re going to die. Fight or flight wasn’t supposed to be about writing books or hosting webinars. Still, our survival instinct kicks in all the same. Being an artist isn’t for the faint of heart.
I’m not allowed to say “I don’t know,” anymore, at least not about decisions about what step to take next. I’ll face up to that fog and call it what it is. Not confusion. Fear. It’s terrifying to try something, knowing that it may be a grand disaster. But what if it isn’t? And won’t I learn so much more from trying and failing than I would from hovering on the sidelines?
The way to overcome fear is through action. Even tiny action makes a difference. So, if like me, you’re facing fear that’s posing as confusion, maybe you’ll want to try what I’m trying. Choose one clear step. How can you call that confusion by its true name? For me, it was writing this post. Next up: drafting the online course I’ve been tiptoeing around for months. What is the one clear action for you? Take it, and then tell me so I can cheer you on. Tag me on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. Let’s overcome fear together. You in?
